Sounds like a case of the Mondays....

Quickly written posts never turn out to say much. I had my friend tell me to write about family interactions between parents and children. So although I was going to this reception I tried to pull it together and it didn’t really work. So I had a long weekend and am actually happy to be at work for once. Usually I have this feeling that I rather be elsewhere. But today I am getting so much done I am actually feeling good about it. So I think I need to work out a better updating schedule on the weekends. Even though it appears nobody reads the weekend posts. I will have to improve that. I watched the movie “Saved” this weekend. It was very different. Not really a romantic comedy. I don’t really even know how to classify it. I think I world have been better off reading a good book then spending the two hours watching a movie that was just “different”. Anyway back to work…. Did anybody else have an exciting weekend?

Weekend quickie... Nobody reads...

So, Today passed by way to quick. I tend to think that I have trouble keeping schedule. I am covered in mud (long story) and I have a wedding reception to go to in like a half hour.. Undoubtedly I will have multiple ex’s there. I don’t really understand why the wife and groom went to Mexico to get married. Maybe they don’t care to have people there. If it was me and I had to get married really quick, I would pull a britney and do it in Vegas. Vegas is awesome and my buddies would go there, but Mexico? So anyway off I go… But I am happy my mother will never have to travel to another country to see me wed. Cause I am definitely getting married where my friends are….

Serendipity.

Serendipity. I have seen it. Actually I own it, but that is a different story all together. I came across a post on a random blog about the movie and love. I did not get to read much but it still got me thinking. On this blog and others I have read a lot of stock goes into the wait-for-it-and-it-will-come-to-you theory. Which in all actuality I hope works out. I
hope that if I wait long enough the right person will come along and be ready for whatever progresses from it. However, I am beginning to have serious problems with the movie and this idea. In the movie she and he end up going their separate ways and like years later they realize and get together. But my point is why wait until years have passed to have what you see in front of you now. I know that most of the advise is given when the final result is not insight. But when
it is why wait? Why waste years and years for something that you can have today? And why does fate (serendipity) make you wait to be happy. Shouldn’t things work out in a timely fashion?

Still I love the movie, but I just think that it is happier as a movie then if it was real.

California...

I have a feeling that today will be a record breaking day, and therefore be a day for me to celebrate. Therefore I am going for a run. Probably on the beach however I am unsure if that will work as it may be too cold. So I have been confronted with the idea of what my precious State is like. This is a concept I have been asked by many in the past and I think I will try to sum it up as best I can. Now I know everybody realizes that Cali and all other states are diverse depending on where you live in the State. I have had the privilege of living in most parts or at least visiting most parts, but in my description I realize many residents will make the comment, “No Cali is nothing like that” but remember it is different for everybody. I will try to go off as broad of a view as I can.
We are very self-centered, not in the personal sense but in the State sense. Just as America is self-centered, as we feel for some reason we are better then all other countries, California is better then every other State. Now this is not the truth but this is how we feel. Not to restart the East Coast – West Coast feud, but we as a State put out a good percentage of the good music out there. And the talent base is so much more centered. We also have the movie industry locked down. Not only the “Hollywood” movie industry but also the slightly less glamorous San Fernando valley film industry. If you don’t know what kind of videos are coming from the valley, there is not much I can say except we dominate that industry as well. The Computer industry of Silicon Valley is unrivaled, however the boom of the late 90’s has cooled. So we are in one of the most populous States with a huge majority of the “celebrity” and technology industries. So it is rare that we have a chance to think about other States. Also we have some of the most amazing geography. I mean some of the most wonderful beaches, the Sierra Mountain range, a good percentage of the old growth Redwoods, numerous landmarks and theme parks. Everything a person could ask for. No matter where you are in California you can drive to Vegas or Reno or Mexico in a day. We also have the highest mountain in the continental US.
The lifestyle varies from city life to suburb/rural. But city life is go go go. I mean parties every night. There is that feeling that work is just a rest between the night life. Celebrities are not rare. I being someone that no longer live in the city still know people who hang out with A-list Celebrities. Now I know that this is not everybody. Not everybody have close interaction with celebrities just because they live in here, but if you are outgoing it is not hard to do. But as you get out of the city you encounter a complete switch of lifestyles. People are so laid back and relaxed it borders on a problem. I was having a discussion with some of my friends and they were talking about how we tend to make plans in terms of weeks… Sometimes when scheduling times to “hang out” we make comments like “Ill come by next week sometime”, If the question is shot back “What time next week?” The answer is undoubtedly, “What day is it today?” – Now this has actually occurred more recently then not. People out of the city lose track of what day it is… Now no matter what part of cali you live in some people will spend the whole week surfing, then as a career are a lifeguard on the weekend (Coastal). Or they will work as a forest ranger but spend the weekends camping.( inland) No matter what the situation, we are very much content never to leave the State…. Well with the exception of vacation. Well I think I have just tried to do the impossible and failed. But at least I tried to describe California….

New homes...

So today may be a day for two posts. I wrote one earlier, but it turned out to be a flop… I mean who wants to hear about a crazy stalker I had when I was in high school. So I think I will try to focus on the present. I have been thinking a lot about this moving idea. I wish the California real-estate market was not so outrageous. I mean we have some amazing scenery and oceans, but the prices for houses are crazy. I got in early where I am, but for me to move I would want to buy a second house in my relocation city. Now I can rent my house out for enough to cover the mortgage, but I still cannot believe the prices they are getting down in the city. I mean it is hard to find a house for under 8-9 hundred thousand. To me this seems to be too much. And I think that I could get something out in the hills and commute but I hate traffic. So is this a situation that is going to get any better? No probably not. Even if the so called “housing bubble” pops there are still more people who want to buy in our wonderful coastal state then there are properties for them.
Now I realize any additional income I will earn from working in a big city will more then cover this additional housing expense. But does that make it right? I mean the payment on a million dollar house is close to $6000. The added income will be used up quite quickly when making a payment such as this. Now lets say I move away from the coast to let say Texas, or Kansas, now I could buy a house with property for 6 months of payments on a California city house payment… Crazy.. Now if I could find the city type job in an area like Texas or Kansas…. I could spend the money to travel to the ocean every weekend and save money…

Unsatisfied Confusion...

So, since I am waiting on some situations… and will not know what the best way to act will be, until later, I have decided to break from tradition to make a commentary on an upcoming event. This is not usual protocol for me but lets see how it goes.. – ok I just deleted that part.. Did not sound good. I just spent way too many words on the Superbowl and it went now where.. Ok so I am curious if I should give up my current situation to pursue a “New life”… I am happier then I have been for a while and things seem to be lining up. But part of me wants to get a job elsewhere and just pick up and move… Try something new… I get bored with cars and usually have to switch up every two years… So what happens if that is what I start doing with my career… I am fighting with the internal feeling that it is a poor idea, but at the same time the more and more I try to deny myself a change, the more and more I want to do it. I guess I thought by putting this out there I may get a better idea of what I truly want to do…. Well still confused… I will try again later… Maybe when the day wears off I will have a clearer picture in my head…

Long weekend....

So I think my weekend was spent well. I spent a lot of time in the car, but most importantly I got to spend time with my best friend. He enlightened me to his current situation, which is not unlike a situation I went through a couple of years ago. But basically even though his situation is near impossible, could tell that he was nevertheless optimistic. See if I was in his shoes I would be tying them on tight and running as fast as I can. But he is going to continue standing and waiting for the world to come to him. Now as I look at my situation in comparison to his, I can only take his lead and smile on. I mean my world is in fact beautiful at the moment. Everything is falling into place, and all the loose ends will all work out in time. I think it is amazing how we are willing to wait for something we want… But I think that is just part of living. What fun would life be if we could have everything given to us. My world is based around my wants and fantasies. If I could have what I want now, I would be happy, but there is a certain rush when I have to wait. The anticipation is almost as real as having…
Now I do not mean to mumble on for any more time then I already have. But I would like to emphasis that with honesty, especially in relationships you can gain a closer connection then ever possible when people are holding in secrets.
The girl I gave up on due to her failure to open up, did give in and ask for a second chance. It is amazing how girls always wait until the wrong moment to try to pull me back in. I had to stick to my instinct which was to let it go… There are much better things out there… (wink) and no reason for me to put off my life for someone who cannot make up their mind. I was honest and did not sugarcoat the idea that I want someone who will realize that I am a catch and that I am not willing to be put to the side. She did understand, but was still unable to put me on her priority list. I did not mean to go on that long about old subjects, but I just wanted to make it clear that I saw that coming and was not able to bring myself to continue the situation as I said I might. So game over. I am happy that I am in the situation I am in and not in my friends. I will always be there for him, but his road will be a rough one, and I will not be surprised if he needs help navigating the obstacles.

Unrequested act of Kindness

It will be an early post today as I have plans that will keep me busy through Sunday. Anyway, I have started thinking a lot about this whole blog situation. It has occurred to me that it is very much a fate orientated world. I can be here today, and click one little button and end up reading someone’s thoughts from hundreds of miles away. But what ensnares my attention even more is that with a minute of my time I can leave a message, or comment to that person and everybody else who reads that persons blog, and in a matter of seconds have just impacted that persons life. Now the force of this collision is to be determined by the readers. I have been to peoples sites who have similar wants and needs as myself, and when I take the moment to impart a small piece of the optimism I live within everyday of my life, for a moment I can see the smile… Now this moment of connection that I may feel, is usually only as deep as opening the door for a stranger at the local store, but really the act of kindness is rarely overlooked. Now with this technology and a desire to be myself, there is a chance that fate may one day bring me to the site of someone who has common desires and hopes. Now thanks to fate I have just bumped into someone who I could walk through the rest of my life with… This may be extreme, but in the world which we live in, I almost rather bump into someone online as people online tend to have nothing to hide. Where as the girl at the cell phone store is putting on a front from the moment I walk in. I am tired of the games and the lies that people play in order to succeed in the dating world. What would happen if people just started being honest? Honest with their feelings and honest with their wants…

Clarity

So I think everyone made great points. Most clear to me is that if this girl, the one who is so far away is not going to be content to give it a chance then I need to move on and find someone who is slightly less pessimistic. I am an optimist, and a romantic. I was thinking, yes I am far away from her but I am willing to go down every two weeks minimum. Also included in this is the fact that I was planning on moving down there anyway. So in my mind, every two weeks until I move down there. However she is not seeing it as a reality and in a sense has crushed my “reality” of being able to pursue this. Actually it works out better. I can not be with a pessimistic girl. I need someone who sees the world under the same light as me. So in essence although she was not completely saying no, I now am. I believe that I can and will find someone who is better suited for me. Wonderful. I am so relieved, I can not begin to explain how bothered I have been over where me and her “were”. Now it is clear, we are both single. I no longer will go out of my way to travel to see her. This being said, if she realizes she wants to give it a chance, I will second guess myself, but not until she comes to me. Right? I do appreciate the advise. I think it is time that I stop thinking so much about her and leave it in the past. Why fight for something I can’t have…. That all being said, I think I need to call up my guy friends and go have a night out…

Princesses... Of course...

So I was confronted with the idea that people may question my behavior and how I treat the ladies. I must state that a girl that is confronting me for a one night stand is not going to get the best treatment. Frankly I will turn her down. I have down it in the past and will continue to follow that behavior. How can I trust that a girl is interested in me if she doesnt know my name? I cant even trust she wont steal my wallet as I sleep. So no one night stands... However if a girl grasps my attention and seems worthy... She will be treated as all ladies deserve to be treated, as princesses. Now most girls out there will look at my post with more skepticism then I can shake a stick at. But really this is the case. I was raised well and I respect ladies. I do all I can to make the lady I am with know that she is all that matters to me. In bed, I am rare in the fact that for the first few trips minimium I refuse to worry about myself. Meaning my whole M.O. is to do what it takes to make the lady happy, perferablly multible times. I think this is part of the reason that they all come back. So that being said, I cook, I clean, I am very domestic, I work, I make great money, and I am great at making women laugh. (Sorry for the cockyness) So where are the girls that deserve this treatment? I can't find them. I find girls that want me for sex, but when it comes to the relationship they want a jerk, which I have trouble being. Where is my princess?

Today is sunny....

Not only is the sun out in full effect, but I am ahead of schedule. Work, women and money all seem to be falling into place. I am on the short road to purchasing what is likely to be a wonderful home, work is annoying yet livable. And Women... the ladies, although they seem complex are remarkably interesting. I have been reading other peoples blogs and have found myseld enlightened to how basic my problems were. Frankly I have no problem. In the past girls were not around. But lately my only problem has been trying to choose between them. I went to the local mall for lunch and had a completely random girl come up and hit on me... So I dont know what I ever had to complain about. I should be thankful I have been graced with the ability to attract women. And this whole time I have been trying. When every time I stop trying the girls come to me... So why not stop trying... That is the new goal. Relax and enjoy them as they come... Thanks to all the sweet people that helped me realize my mistake....

Unobtainable Women....

What is the story. I give in. I cant do it anymore. I am thinking non-stop about this girl. She is amazing. I know it will not work out. This makes me want it more. I also am never going to hear her make the mistake of telling me she loves me. I on the other hand have to work to prevent myself for putting it out there. Why do most guys have difficulty expressing their feelings. I have a hard time not expressing them. I am so like a girl when it comes to feelings. I over analyze things… All I know it that I really cant stop thinking about this girl. She is just what I want and need right now. But I cant have her. Life is wonderful and sucks at the same time. I just had a visitor at my work. A 17 year old. She is so into me. I cant even begin to think about hanging out with her. She is tooooo young. She brought along her 17year old friend to meet me.. Why are they talking to me… I want someone who is my age or at least maturity. I also am looking for someone who I can take out in public without being arrested. Come back in a year please…. What is this B.S. I always have girls around that I cannot be with. One is geographically unobtainable the other is age unobtainable. Either way they are only around to tease me. When the one girl turns 18 she will be taken, and if I was to move closer to the other girl the magic would wear off and we would not work out. Wonderful… Where are the of-age attractive AVAILIBLE women.? . ?. ?

I am back...

I just got back from an amazing visit or vacation. I dont know precisly what I want or need in this life, but I can imagine, if I was not bound by geography I may have found somthing that is very close if not perfect. Now I know that I was not mistaken in my intitial determination. I have decided that I will for now continue writing but I will try to make this more then just a rant on ladies. I feel bad when I make comments on other peoples pages, only to have them come back to mine and see that I appear to be a womanizing player. Which is so far from the actual case I can not even begin to justify myself. Well there it is. I am human. I like girls. I have a vivid history with the ladies, and I am ready to push that all behind me if I can find a girl that makes me smile. Better yet, I want one who can in fact make me laugh. Is that too much to ask? I dont think so...

Updating Behavior....

So I have begun to think that my blog, which is more of a outlet for me to discuss my girl drama, is not that exciting. I think I spend way to much of the time complaining and talking about girls and not enough time devoted to the other things in my life. From reading my posts one would undoubtedly come to the conclusion that I am woman obsessed and that most of my day is spent on women… This is not the case. I work most of my life. I spend 9 hours a day at a computer based job, only to go home and sit back infront of my home computer to complete another 2-3 hours of home design work… The ladies in my life take up only about 2% of my actual week. However they tend to be the thing that is on my mind when I get on to update my blog. Also, just to let everybody know, I am leaving for the weekend and it will be difficult for me to get on and update. However once I get back on Monday, I will resume a daily update. Also, I am looking for ways to increase my readership, so I am ok with people linking to my blog. Also if you do I will be more then happy to do the same for you. I also have been spending more and more time reading what other people have to say, so if you are regularly posting to your own site let me know so I can add it to my daily reading…. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I am expecting to have a few good stories when this weekend is over….

Response to Comments...

I can’t provide too much information as I do not know how many people have caught on that this might be “my” blog. See I am trying to keep this anonymous and that way I a can be free and clear to be honest and express feeling… My situation is very specific already, especially to anybody who knows me or has heard the story. So to be specific without making it obvious, she is down in O.C. (Orange County, CA) for those who have not seen the TV show… On you calling me out for not having a photo posted, I have two responses; A) You do not have a photo as of today. (I know that you do not claim to be anything, as I claim to be good with ladies) But all the same, neither of us has a photo posted… B) It comes back to the being anonymous thing. Even if someone thinks that this is my post there is no proof. Where as if I post a picture, there is no talking my way out of it. . But I do appreciate you calling me out on not backing up my posts with evidence. On your other comments I will say this, we were wonderful together in bed. And I have not spent enough time with her to TRULY know her personality. I mean the majority of what I know about her I found out while snuggling after we were done. I mean before that I only basically knew her (first) name. So then we have talked on the phone since, and as I find things out it seems she is perfect. But to be real I barely know her. (That doesn’t change the fact I am unable to stop thinking about her.)
So if I had it to do differently I probably would have spent the time dating her, rather then just sleeping with her and then trying to play catch up… At least I called her. I could have let it go and just written it off as a one-night stand.
Final question. She made it clear to me on our night together, or I should say during and after our tryst that she was liking what I gave her. This would have been enough, but since then she has made numerous statements that she is excited to spend more time with me, and that she wants me around. There is also more she said, but once again it is too specific to the situation that I would be hard pressed to defend that this is not “my” blog. So did I clarify it at all or did I just jumble it up and skirt the issues.? I think it will seem that I was avoiding the questions but like I said there is only so far I can go in a public forum before I jeopardize my anonymity

Wrote yesterday.....

I hope everybody has read the prior two posts.. They are essential to understand my situation. Or at least to understand my obsession. So here I am not even three hours later with another comment (post)… I am wondering if I should not call and let her call me…? She I called and she called the next couple of times then I called then she called me. So do I call or let her? Well beyond that my true post comes down to a related yet different situation. My best friend, often referred to as brother, since we grew up together and have been best friends for over half out lives. Well he has decided that he wants to start hanging out with my ex. A girl I was with for like ever and lived with and almost married. Well he has been hanging out with her a lot in the last couple of days weeks. Unsure of when they started this exactly, and I think that is the problem I have with it. See I think with everything I have on my mind in the ladies department I would care less if he wanted to start f’ing her. But the thing I am having difficulties with is that he is not telling me about it. He has yet to say shit to me about it, most of what I know is from putting the pieces together from his stupid excuses. Like last night he was over watching football and he got a call and was talking to the person, made plans to go play pool with the person, then as the conversation progressed it became apparent who it was from what he said. Then after he got off the phone he started acting all sketchy and vague. Time past, he was like I am leaving to go play some pool. And the whole time he was making a point to not say who he was going with. So I have an issue with a “brother” who wont even give me the decency to say “Hey I am banging your Ex.” Well I guess that is my issue. Is that not proper protocol? You are supposed to atleast ask… Right? Like I said before if he had asked I would have probably been fine with it. But he is trying to hide it from me like I am a idiot… Which I am not. And I know if I confront him on it he will think I am being petty and stupid. Or he will play it off like “we are just friends…” Whatever, I know the situation and that is what pisses me off. F’it I am done… Goodnight… >>> I worte this yesterday but posted it on my other blog... It is no longer valid as I have came to terms with the fact I have a ton of bad karma to work off, and this is more or less what I deserve...

Purple Haze....

So then it comes down to this. I have been stressing over this girl since I got back. I cannot believe the grip she has on my head. I know what I really need is not a long distance, sex based, relationship. But currently my mind keeps coming back to her. I know she is hooked on the idea of me. I treated her good and made her happy… (we can leave it at that)… So she is hooked on me, I am hooked on her. And when we talk on the fone I keep thinking about how wonderful this girl is… I mean she is perfect. But many many days away. I am hoping that I can quit work, pack up my stuff and move down there…. See. See what this girl has done to my head. I never get caught up with girls. Usually it is the other way around. I still have ex’s jumping through hoops to get me back. But here I am, unobtainable guy, trying to jump through hoops for a girl…. And the most wonderful thing about this is, she has no idea how lucky she is to have me going after her. I hear the conceitedness in my words, but really she has no idea that I am not used to having to work this hard for a girl… Well I guess the only reason I have to work is because I want more. I already had it once and that was more her work then mine. So where do I go from here? I guess I sit back, log onto monster.com and try my best to find a job down there…. Well I guess it is time to do that. Did I mention she is hot…. You know what… Oh ya, from talking to her since the fact I have a feeling she is thinking about me almost as much…. Suggestions? ? ?

Weekend of Sex

Life is funny. One day all you can think about is work and making money. The next day all you can think about is the awesome girl you hooked up with weeks ago. I am stuck on New Years.. I woke up next to possibly the coolest person I have ever came across. If not the coolest she would have to be the second most fabulous girl I have ever been with. But see how I see it, she is only getting second because I haven’t even had a chance to truly get to know her… Well I am amazed at how a few hours of rolling around in bed which was supposed to have been a one night stand with no second thought put towards has transformed into someone I spend my days figuring and conjuring how I can get myself back down to spend more time with her. Trust me I have became very familiar with all the online travel sites these last couple of days. I am amazed I could let this infatuation get to the point of clouding my rational judgement. Normally I am very logical in everything I do. I am a Libra… Very balanced. However since this girl the scale has tipped and I am trying to justify how a trip back down to see her will help me. On the contrary I know that it will only further skew me into desiring her more. Which is completely a bad idea. She is hundreds of miles away. Long distance to the extreme. At max, given my current work schedule I could afford to be down there 12 weekends a year… Not enough… Maybe the magic will wear off once we are together again for a day or weekend. I mean maybe this desire I am feeling is just my sexual attraction to this girl. Perhaps when I have to actually talk to her I will come up short on words. What would we talk about? I have no clue. All I know is we were great in bed together. Maybe that is what we need is to not talk unless it is while we are snuggling after sex. Maybe the whole weekend could be spent naked in bed… That does sound absolutely fabulous. But what comes of it when she wants to get up and do the other things? Any help?

<<<>>>

Hey….. I am sorry I have not posted in a while… I have been passed out since New Year… I had a wonderful time down in the city. I visited relatives and party’ed like it was a New year. Well I just “Woke Up” today and I am thinking that I am going to hop into a plane tomorrow to go back. You see, while down there I hooked up with a beautiful funny intelligent girl while down there. I made the decision I wanted to spend more time with her and so I am going back… I know I would be better off leaving it as a one night stand but it was soooo good…. I hope to continue posting beginning next Monday, but that is dependant on me not deciding to move down there…. She was cool, but not that cool…. So Monday it is…
Oh update on friends coworker. We both came back from vacation, I was done with her, but she writes me a letter claiming she is done with me. The reasoning behind her letter would be she started feeling bad because she was having feelings for me even though she had a boyfriend. I think it was just getting too difficult for her to hold back… So rather than mess up she figured she would just stop talking to me. I however was already done so when I told her that her feelings were hurt and she attacked me calling me a liar. Well what is funny is I never lied to her, I never had to. A lot of girls in the past coulda pulled off calling me a liar, but not this girl. So I just cut off communication. I am so excited, cause I am moving on to better things… A whole weekend of better things.. Talk to you all Monday…

Oh and thank you anonymous for letting me know somebody reads this.. And I am sorry I took a break right afterwards….